Napalm sticks to kids

Hulk Hogan caused 9/11...



Stolen from FARK.

Who is old enough to remember John Stossel getting bitch slapped by former pro wrestler Dr. D David Schultz?

The undefeated X-Division Champion Samoa Joe was victorious in his tag-team match with his mostly useless partner "The Prince of Punk" Shannon Moore. Joe was so devastating in this match that he was able to defeat the team of A.J. Styles and "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels by simply using a mere clothesline on Daniels. A.J. Styles tried taunting Joe by hanging the X-Division title over the ring, trying to intimidate Joe for their upcoming Ultimate-X match.

In non-Samoa Joe related news Sting threatened Jeff Jarrett that it wasn't Sting that was coming after him but Steve Borden after one of Jarrett's lackeys, Alex Shelley, was following Sting and his family around with a camera to get proof of Sting's retirment.

Carlito was cheated out of his chance at the "Money in the Bank" match at Wrestlemania by the evil and dishonorable Ric Flair. Vengeance shall be Carlito's, because that's cool.

Pro wrestling is better than soccer.

RAW:Stone Cold is entertaining and funny again, even though he's a wife beater. And Kane is back. RAW always needs more Kane. And will fan backlash get JR his job back after he recovers from colon surgery?

Smackdown: One word...midgets.

TNA Impact:Um..forgot it was on this weekend so I'll have to get back to you tomorrow after tonight's replay.

I'm going to do something different this week with wrestling. Instead of focusing on the negative I'll focus on the positive with Reasons To Tune in This Week.

RAW: JR was "fired" last week and unceremoniously I might add by getting kicked in the sack by Linda McMahon. Word behind the scenes is that WWE took him off because he's not young and good looking enough to be on screen. In real life JR is VP in charge of Talent Relations or something like that. To make matters worse JR has been having so medical difficulties as well. It will be interesting to see who WWE puts in JR's place.

Smackdown: Bobby Lashley. This guy is a monster and has collegiate and military wrestling background. He reminds me a lot of Brock Lesnar except he doesn't have a cool finisher like the F5 and he doesn't have a heel look to him. As long as they keep him a face this guy should be great. He is still a little green though.

TNA Impact: The Canadian Destroyer Petey Williams. This guy has the best finisher in wrestling today. Now just imagine this move. The Flipping Piledriver. It has to be seen to be believed.

The six sided ring is even gayer in tag team matches.

I kind of like Ron "The Truth" Killings. He reminds me of a more exciting version of Booker T. Too bad he's been paired with Konnan and B.G. James aka Road Dogg.

In the X-Division match the only guy I've heard of is Chrisopher Daniels. They need to at least give these guys nicknames because their regular names are forgettable at best. Nice fast paced match though. Something I'm nit use to with WWE. You know...wrestling.

Abyss reminds me of a cross between Kane and Mankind but if you're going to go with a look like that you need to really do it up more than just a mask and a chain. Abyss is already bleeding and the match just started. His opponent Sonny Siaki looks like Maven. That's not a good thing. Tilt a whirl slam as a finsher for Abyss which they call the Black Hole Slam. Cool name, lame finisher.

So they're having Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash at their PPV. Don't they want people to order it?

Americas Most Wanted vs. Team 3-D (formerly The Dudleys). The TNA announcers are making this sound like it's the Road Warriors vs. The Freebirds or something. AMW and 3D are good tag teams but this is not that monumental of a match. And Jeff Jarrett jumps 3D with the el-kabong. Seriously, I know Jarrett basically runs the promotion but Jeff Jarrett as NWA champion is not selling any PPV's.

Two weeks in a row I tune in for Raven and he's virtually nonexistent on both episodes. Bottom line, more Raven, less Jeff Jarrett.

We open the show with the human Sedative Randy Orton punking out both Foley and Piper. I wish they would stop pushing the human boring machine down our throats and selling out actual talented wrestlers to him.

Well, the iron man match between Angle and HBK was pointless and not too exciting either.

How sad was it to see the lone survivor of the Von Erich family Kevin Von Erich?

Vince and Stone Cold was boring and predictable but I popped for Shane-O-Mac until he got stunned without saying a word. And oh great Stephanie McFunbags is back. And then Stone Cold gives Funbags a stunner. But it's ok, he's used to beating women. Shit, now Linda McMahon too? This is taking up too much time that could be used for...you know...wrestling. And then Linda totally botched the stunner making this entire segment even more pointless. I need a cigarette and not in a good way.

Hey look a wrestling match. Edge vs. Matt Hardy in a loser leaves RAW ladder match. See you on Smackdown Matt. We're at the halfway mark of a 3 hour show and so far I am thoroughly underwhelmed. Damn I was really hoping Lita would get powerbombed through the table. That was kind of ingenious to have Matt Hardy tied up in the ropes but a real anti-climactic ending. Instead of going to Smackdown I hope they have Matt Hardy come back to RAW under a mask. I love that angle. If you don't know what I'm talking about do a Google search for Brian Pillman and Yellow Dog.

I'M BLIND. AN OPENED SHIRT MAE YOUNG. Well at least its good to see Jimmy Snuka, Ted Dibiase, and Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Ric Flair should not be kissing HHH's ass.

Masters and Carlito vs. Flair and HHH. One of these things is not like the others. Has anyone really missed HHH? ANd another one of my favorite wrestlers, Carlito, jobs to HHH. The more things change. Now who will turn on who? Yep, it's HHH turning on Flair. Flair still bleeds like a stuck pig though.

Damn look at all the old school wrestlers in the ring. Dusty, Billy Graham, Ricky Steamboat, Arn Anderson, and man they all look old. All these legends and they send out Rob "teh ghey" Conway? But that was mega-cool to see him get the Atomic Elbow from Dusty, the Iron Claw from Kevin Von Erich, an underused hold if you ask me, and to top it all off the Superfly Splash.

A bra and panties match. I won't even dignify this with commentary.

A six man Smackdown match? I'd rather watch the bra and panties match again.And thanks to Eric Bischoff I don't have to see it.

Its kind of cool to hear Hulk Hogan say "Well you know Mean Gene". Hogan vs. Austin? I don't know. Sounds kind of boring to me.

And Cena gives the FU to Bischoff and it's finally over. The SD vs. RAW mini brawl at the end was ok. Does this mean we're going to have an inter-brand war soon? That might make things a little more interesting for once.

For a 3 hour homecoming it did not live up to my expectations. Maybe I'm just jaded.

Ok, I know I've been lazy with my wrestling posts latey. The truth is there hasn't been that much to talk about and it's not like anyone is really reading the wrestling stuff anyway. But last night I watched the debut episode of TNA Impact on Spike TV and let me tell you I was thouroughly underwhelmed. It seemed really amateur to me. I've seen indy promotions with more polish than TNA. The announce team was drowned out by the crowd noise and since it was a pre-taped show so they could have fixed that. The wrestlers themselves had very generic names for the most part that you forgot right after the match. And the big name wrestlers aren't even that big. I mean does anyone care anymore about Jeff Jarrett or Kevin Nash? The only thing that really impressed me even a little was some of the "X-Division" wrestlers. The matches themselves looked incredibly sloppy but some of the wrestlers had these incredible finishing moves that your jaw drops after you see it. But the bad thing about X-Division matches is too many dives outside of the ring. I saw a lot of wrestlers hit their limbs on the metal guardrail. While they are trained professionals this could lead to injusry of a wrestler or a fan. Neither of which is any good. And lastly the six sided ring is "teh ghey". So Vince don't worry. TNA poses absolutely no threat to the WWE....yet.

Trevor Murdoch isn't related to the late Dick Murdoch but damn if he isn't the spitting image of him.

So Matt Hardy finally beat Edge in the cage match at the PPV. Now they're going to have a loser leaves RAW match. How much you want to bet its Matt that goes to Smackdown to get buried again and then released?

Ric Flair vs. Carlito was the highlight of the night. However I have a question. Does Ric Flair holding the Intercontinental Title elevate the I-C title or does it devalue Ric Flair's legacy to wrestling?

Remember kids. RAW is going to the USA Network in 2 weeks.

Now I see why they had Eddie go over Rey last week so they could put Eddie as the #1 contender for the world title. I'm ok with that. I think an Eddie vs. Batista program will be intersting. It's gotta be better than JBL vs. Batista week after week. I like this new guy Ken Kennedy. His promos remind me a lot of Billy Gunn but this guy can actually wrestle. And again the WWE totally buries the cruiserweight title by having Nunzio get squashed by Batista. I'm sorry but I'd rather watch the cruiserweights wrestle than the overjuiced muscle heads that Vinnie keeps shoving down our throat. Then there's the case of the human sedative Randy Orton bringing a casket to the ring for his match with the Undertaker. And gasp there was an Undertaker double inside. Welcome back to the early 90's. This was done before when Taker wrestled Kevin Nash and Taker brought a casket to the ring with a Kevin Nash double in it. Way to be original guys. I seriously hope TNA will be more exciting than Smackdown when it starts on Spike TV.

Again the only thing worth talking about on RAW last night was the ongoing saga between Edge and Matt Hardy and once again the WWE blew it. Not only did Matt Hardy get his ass kicked again last night but he got it kicked by a woman. Like I keep saying, this had the potential to be the greatest feud since Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven in ECW but the WWE just doesn't know how to write good television. You need to have give and take between the face and the heel for a really good feud. Even though Tommy Dreamer never pinned Raven until Raven's last match in ECW he always got some small amount of revenge by either piledriving Raven's valet or taking his frustrations out on one of the Flock. But in this case it's just week after week of Matt Hardy getting his ass kicked. It's been all give and no take. I don't know if Vince is intentionally trying to bury Matt but he's doing a real good job of it.

Yep, Smackdown was on Friday night. Well only an hour of it because the first hour was pre-empted by the Hurricane Katrina relief concert that was on every channel. So there was a cage match between Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio. I don't get it. I thought their feud was over at Summer Slam. So now Eddie finally beats Rey but to me it was like "what's the point?". Then there was the bull rope match between Batista and JBL. This should have been a much better match then it was but there was more tug of war then wrestling. I hope TNA is more exciting than Smackdown when it starts in October.

Yeah, so RAW was on last night. Yawn. Nothing of any great significance to speak of. And like I've been saying they're mishandling the Hardy-Edge feud once again. After last week’s promising street fight between the two we see Hardy jobbing to Snitsky once again. How is anyone supposed to believe Matt Hardy can beat Edge if he keeps losing to guys like Rob Conway and Snitsky? They also announced that Edge and Hardy would be having a match at Unforgiven in a steel cage. Again I say, Yawn. The steel cage used to mean something back in the day but when you have matches like Hell in the Cell and the Elimination Chamber a steel cage just doesn't cut it any more. They should at least do a TLC match. Tables, Ladders, and Chairs, for the uninitiated. Considering the memorable TLC matches between Edge & Christian vs. The Hardy Boyz a TLC match between the two would seem like a no-brainer.