Napalm sticks to kids

I have been framing a house for the last few days, and it is important to note: I AM NOT A FRAMER.

I have the honor of doing the concrete bucks (wood nailed to block so sheetrock can be added later) and was doing quite well up to the point that i was informed that preasure treated 1x4 NEEDED to follow the top of the block (for fire reasons I know nothing about). Now, I had to cut all the pieces of wood I had nailed verticaly down 3.5 inches so I could fit the 1x4 horizontaly across the top.

seemed easy.

I took my chisel, my hammer and a tape measure and was chopping out each one piece by piece and doing fine till the boss said "that seems to be taking quite a while, why doing you use a saw"

I said I didnt need it and continued on my way

in the next 20 minutes everyone on the job came ot me and said "why dont you use a saw" It wasnt till Raul (my chubby latin coworker) told me that my angle grinder could work fine, all I needed was a wood blade (which I had).

at this point I gave up on my senses and took the angle grinder out... with the wood blade. the blad eof course was a bit to small and required that i remove the safety guard so I can cut the wood deep enough to actually remove it.

did you cringe yet ?

As saws sometimes do the blade binded and pulled the whole tool from my hand, reflexes reacted and I grabbed the now shifting tool only to slice through the meat of my left index finger. I didnt drop the tool till it almost cut my stomach as well.

check it out

So this weekend I went to the upstate area of New York for a very nice holiday with my Girlfriend Jax and her family. I did not book the flight... Jax was the booker. She sent me via...



SOooooooooooo. I'm on my way to Tampa International (TIA) when I get a phone call from a robot who is employed by...



The robot says "we are sorry to inform you that your flight out of Philadelphia is going to be delayed 250 minutes. the new time will be 1 (mumbles) am" I was shocked because I had no idea that a robot could mumble... nor did I clearly understand what 250 minutes was supposed to be (the math didn't seem to work).

I get to TIA (at 6pm for my 7:10 pm flight) and find that the flight out of there is delayed as well (the robot didn't call me on that one). Seems that one of the emergency doors didn't have enough pressure in the tank that opens it... or something. But that's OK, because its not like I'm going to miss my flight out of Penn anyway right ???

So an hour later we finally get off the ground... off to the land of the cheese steaks on...



...in Philly, I find myself in need to travel from the furthest point of the airport to the other furthest point. and this is not one of those nifty airports with terminals branching out from one circular center point.... No, that would be easy. this is a great linear type airport so I have to travel (what felt like) 6 miles. I try to find a nifty (and free) shuttle bus... but wind up outside of security and wandering in some hallway that I'm not supposed to be in.
At least the guys who found me there just sent me out instead of calling security... nice of them

Get to the gate and now I know whats up.


has held the plane on the ground for an additional 2 hours (besides the one I lost at TIA) I was supposed to be in Syracuse at 12am ... got there at 2:30 or something.


Had a wonderful weekend with the wifey and her family... then back in the clutches of



There were no delays this time... but because my bag was overly stuffed with things Jax bought me (she's so nice ) I had to run into a gift shop and buy a small side bag to minimize my dufflebag. I get into security only to find that the gift shops... not there. go back out of security, get the bag and wind up waiting 30 minutes in line for security (last time took 2 minutes).
get back to the terminal just in time for boarding.
I go up to the Ticket ripper guy and as I hand him my ticket... a psycho woman comes screaming from behind me about how my bag "will not fit on the plane" I assured her (calmly) that I have traveled with that bag many times before and never had a problem. she continued to yell at me like I was a child.
Now I'm getting mad, I tell her in my "trenchcoat / Toast" voice... "weird, this is the first time I've been told my bag was to big for the overhead compartment" in her continued nasty voice "well it seems I'm the first to deliver all sorts of bad news" so I said "oh, are you pregnant ?"

I never saw a person fill out a form so quickly in my life

she hands me a receipt, puts a sticker on my bag and tells me to give me bag to someone at the door of the plane. I tell her that "a 2 foot pry bar with a straight claw and some vaseline would help remove the stick from her ass" and head back to the plane. The guy at the counter looked at me funny and said "she changed her mind?" I said "the wicked witch of the west is in a tizzy and wont be in a good mood for the rest of the day, you may want to steer clear"

think that was funny ?? so did I but karma bit me on the ass.

get into Charlotte N.C. for my transfer and get myself thinking that somehow I have 10 minutes to get 1 terminal over before my plane leaves without me. I don't want to stay in N.C. ... Weird people live there .
So I rush... nearly plowing over the handicapped and the elderly to make sure I get to my connecting flight. Problem was... I was reading the boarding time, not the departure time so I rushed for nothing. How do I make myself feel better ? Why Cigarette in the men's room of course.
get on the airplane and find myself stuck in a corner of the plane next to a window, 3 people in...
uh, did anyone here know I'm claustrophobic ??????
OK, shouldn't be bad... 1 hour 15 minutes, not long... I can handle it.
so we sit on the plane for 45 minutes because somehow... despite the flight plan made months in advance... the planes got crowded on the tarmac. they were assigned to take off in some sort of order, but not today I guess.
So now its 2 hours in a corner, locked in, behind 3 people... next to a fucking window (not scared of heights... just being mashed against walls and windows)

By the time we were over Tampa I was shaking and driving the people next to me nuts. but they wouldn't switch with me... so who cares ?

I get off the plane, fortunate that I never have to travel with...



ever again.

and TIA charged me 50 bucks for parking (only 20 more than 4 months ago)







I have no ending for this... I'm still mad

Well actually this time I didn't do it, I was just in the way.

I was in the middle of the living room of a newly framed house, prepping the opening for a 6 foot french door with four 3 foot sidelights... 17.5 foot total.

I know the math don't seem to work... but there is more to it than the door size. door jab is 74" and each side light is 34.25" Most important for this story... each Sidelight weighs about 120lbs. the french doors weight about 80 or so (in this case, sometimes as much as 200+) and the 6'2" x 8 foot tall door jab weighs about 30lbs.

Anyway, I was kneeling and cutting a 2x4 when I heard one of my guys yell my name. I looked up as he said watch out... split second later (no time to think) I was hit full force in the spine with the jamb for the french doors (thankfully the doors were not hinged yet).
The jamb was leaning against the wall waiting for me to pin it in... and a cord (needed by Troy) was being pulled past it... causing it to tip over and fall on me.
I instantly was aware of several things...
1. It was an accident
2. I wasn't paralyzed
3. no matter how much I wanted to kill Troy... I had to compose myself
4. it hurt like hell

I'm not hurt bad and nothing is broken (that I'm aware of) but damn I'm sore as hell.

isn't it cool (and Ironic) that my mother hooked me up with darvocets last week ?