06/15/06 So a pizza, a sandwich, and a salad walk into a bar...
No, really.
When I'm dumbstruck, I usually lose all ability to articulate myself, so allow me to quote Brian Clevinger of 8-bit Theater.
When I'm dumbstruck, I usually lose all ability to articulate myself, so allow me to quote Brian Clevinger of 8-bit Theater.
How fucked up is this thing? It's a sandwich. But it's a pizza. And you can get it in "salad" flavor. What I wouldn't give to have been witness to the sheer surreality of that meeting.
Who thinks their sandwich isn't pizza enough? And who looks at their pizza sandwich and thinks, "No, yeah, this is good. It's good. But, ah, can't it be more of a salad pizza sandwich?"
Honestly, is there a transcript of the meeting where this thing crawled out of the group-think minds of a dozen yes-men unafraid to boldly agree with whatever half-assed tripe dribbled out of their masters' mouths? I want in on that action.
If the P'EatZZa Sandwich was a car, it would have no wheels, three wings (the extra is for obvious archery purposes that require no explanation) and be submersible.
10/08/05 A story of the south
I love living in the south but the locals know next to nothing about good pizza. They prefer The Hut to most anything else. However a few years ago some guys from Brooklyn opened a real pizza parlor in my town. I was in there about a year ago when I was waiting in line to pick up my pizzas. The guy behind the counter said to a female customer in front of me "Ok, here are your pies." The woman said "I didn't order pies. I ordered pizza." I about fell over trying not to laugh in this woman's face.
08/26/05 Deo Tagged Me As Well......
DeoDuce got me too. Well, here's my crap for y'all to peruse through.
The Numbers Game
10 years ago: I was in seventh grade and my parents still wouldn't let me see R-rated flicks like Pulp Fiction.
5 years ago: I was a senior in high school and apolitical until one of my fellow peers that year set me on the path to loathe Gore and his ilk for all time.
1 year ago: I was starting my fourth year of college. I was biting my nails over the fate of Bush's re-election campaign. I was impatiently waiting for a Metal Gear Solid sequel that would make me forget the previous sequel's disappointments.
1 day ago: I saw this movie that starred the guy that plays Vic Romano on MXC.
5 favorite snacks:
- Flautas
- Breadsticks
- Chocolate Milk
- Hash Browns
- Hushpuppies
5 Songs I know the lyrics to:
- "We Didn't Start The Fire"- Billy Joel
- "Obsession"- Animotion
- "We're Not Gonna Take It"- Twisted Sister
- "America, F*ck Yeah"- Trey Parker
- "Land of Confusion"- Genesis
5 places I would escape to for awhile:
- Japan
- Alaska
- Australia
- Puerto Rico
- Ronald Reagan Presidential Library
5 Things I would not wear:
- Flip Flops
- Sweaters
- T-shirts with Che Guevara's emblazoned commie mug
- G-strings
- Coats
5 Favorite TV Programs:
- South Park
- Most Extreme Elimination Challenge(MXC)
- Robot Chicken
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force
- Fox News
5 Greatest Joys:
- Seeing liberals lose to conservatives.
- Blog surfing.
- Being an American.
- Seeing America prevail over the anti-American segments of the world.
- Being part of a great family.
5 Favorite Toys:
- PS2
- Metal Gear Solid trilogy
- Battlefield Vietnam
- G.I. JOE
- Rise of Nations: Thrones and Patriots
5 people I will NOT tag:
- Moxie
- Annika
- Damian G.
- Odysseus
- Steve H.
The Numbers Game
10 years ago: I was in seventh grade and my parents still wouldn't let me see R-rated flicks like Pulp Fiction.
5 years ago: I was a senior in high school and apolitical until one of my fellow peers that year set me on the path to loathe Gore and his ilk for all time.
1 year ago: I was starting my fourth year of college. I was biting my nails over the fate of Bush's re-election campaign. I was impatiently waiting for a Metal Gear Solid sequel that would make me forget the previous sequel's disappointments.
1 day ago: I saw this movie that starred the guy that plays Vic Romano on MXC.
5 favorite snacks:
- Flautas
- Breadsticks
- Chocolate Milk
- Hash Browns
- Hushpuppies
5 Songs I know the lyrics to:
- "We Didn't Start The Fire"- Billy Joel
- "Obsession"- Animotion
- "We're Not Gonna Take It"- Twisted Sister
- "America, F*ck Yeah"- Trey Parker
- "Land of Confusion"- Genesis
5 places I would escape to for awhile:
- Japan
- Alaska
- Australia
- Puerto Rico
- Ronald Reagan Presidential Library
5 Things I would not wear:
- Flip Flops
- Sweaters
- T-shirts with Che Guevara's emblazoned commie mug
- G-strings
- Coats
5 Favorite TV Programs:
- South Park
- Most Extreme Elimination Challenge(MXC)
- Robot Chicken
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force
- Fox News
5 Greatest Joys:
- Seeing liberals lose to conservatives.
- Blog surfing.
- Being an American.
- Seeing America prevail over the anti-American segments of the world.
- Being part of a great family.
5 Favorite Toys:
- PS2
- Metal Gear Solid trilogy
- Battlefield Vietnam
- G.I. JOE
- Rise of Nations: Thrones and Patriots
5 people I will NOT tag:
- Moxie
- Annika
- Damian G.
- Odysseus
- Steve H.
06/08/05 Wish I had drivers with this kind of dedication...
I found this article last night and posted it at work. Don't know which company the driver works for but we're trying to encourage our drivers to have this kind of dedication...
Pizza Man Continues Deliveries After Being Shot
Pizza Man Continues Deliveries After Being Shot
05/20/05 Another Teen Night story....
Well this one wasn't as exciting... well maybe it was...
Instead of teens fighting other teens they decided to take on the bouncers... Bouncers 1, Teens 0. The head bouncer (and frequent customer) received a busted lip and had to change his shirt because of the blood. Numerous teens went to Juvie and one was taken to the hospital in a stretcher and neck brace.
The time was about 10:30, I was standing at the oven cutting pizzas when (over the radio, oven, and subwoofers from next door) I hear yelling. I look out the window and I see a bunch of bouncers chasing some teenagers... then one of the teenagers gets tackeled to the ground by a few of the bouncers and then the cops arrive to block off the parking lot from the kids trying to drive off. I didn't get to count all the police vehicles this time but my drivers estimates ranged between 20-30 cruisers, 2-3 vans, 2 ambulances, 4 fire trucks, and 1 K9 unit that arrived about 20 minutes afterwards for some reason. Well my drivers were SOL because they had already left and the police wouldn't let them park anywhere, so we're like WTF? So they finally let them in and we're back to working normally and the delivery truck pulls in with our food... with no place to park and backing up isn't an option we wait about 30-40 minutes before the all the emergency vehicles move to the road. Then the truck can move and my drivers can get out. So of course as soon as the truck driver opens the doors swarms of teenagers try to flow into the door and buy pizza... having the safe open and the rest of the money out isn't seeming like a good idea right now. So the truck driver and one of my drivers repells the mob to outside again. So now when the truck drivers come to the door, my driver has to open the door for him for each trip... what a waste of time this quickly became. Not only could the driver not take deliveries but the truck drivers had to wade through a large group outside the store hoping to get free food. One of the truck drivers got into it with this little 11 year old but it was quickly defused when the truck driver dropped food off the dolly and reminded the kid that he could disappear quick in our pizza oven and his parents wouldn't be any the wiser. This was definately one of the highlights of the night... another was when we told a group of kids the gas station across the street closed in 5 minutes and they ran as fast as they could to get there in time... when in actuality it closed an hour before. They were mad so they kept calling us trying to get us to deliver to their car until their battery died... also made us laugh when we saw them cursing and yelling at it out front. I just realized I should start using my camera phone on teen nights... so many flashing lights really needs to be seen and not heard about. The K9s are a nice addition to any nightclub also.
Instead of teens fighting other teens they decided to take on the bouncers... Bouncers 1, Teens 0. The head bouncer (and frequent customer) received a busted lip and had to change his shirt because of the blood. Numerous teens went to Juvie and one was taken to the hospital in a stretcher and neck brace.
The time was about 10:30, I was standing at the oven cutting pizzas when (over the radio, oven, and subwoofers from next door) I hear yelling. I look out the window and I see a bunch of bouncers chasing some teenagers... then one of the teenagers gets tackeled to the ground by a few of the bouncers and then the cops arrive to block off the parking lot from the kids trying to drive off. I didn't get to count all the police vehicles this time but my drivers estimates ranged between 20-30 cruisers, 2-3 vans, 2 ambulances, 4 fire trucks, and 1 K9 unit that arrived about 20 minutes afterwards for some reason. Well my drivers were SOL because they had already left and the police wouldn't let them park anywhere, so we're like WTF? So they finally let them in and we're back to working normally and the delivery truck pulls in with our food... with no place to park and backing up isn't an option we wait about 30-40 minutes before the all the emergency vehicles move to the road. Then the truck can move and my drivers can get out. So of course as soon as the truck driver opens the doors swarms of teenagers try to flow into the door and buy pizza... having the safe open and the rest of the money out isn't seeming like a good idea right now. So the truck driver and one of my drivers repells the mob to outside again. So now when the truck drivers come to the door, my driver has to open the door for him for each trip... what a waste of time this quickly became. Not only could the driver not take deliveries but the truck drivers had to wade through a large group outside the store hoping to get free food. One of the truck drivers got into it with this little 11 year old but it was quickly defused when the truck driver dropped food off the dolly and reminded the kid that he could disappear quick in our pizza oven and his parents wouldn't be any the wiser. This was definately one of the highlights of the night... another was when we told a group of kids the gas station across the street closed in 5 minutes and they ran as fast as they could to get there in time... when in actuality it closed an hour before. They were mad so they kept calling us trying to get us to deliver to their car until their battery died... also made us laugh when we saw them cursing and yelling at it out front. I just realized I should start using my camera phone on teen nights... so many flashing lights really needs to be seen and not heard about. The K9s are a nice addition to any nightclub also.
05/07/05 My night at the pizza shop...
Well this wasn't tonight... nothing fun happened tonight... but last night was Teen Night at the club that shares a wall with my store and Teen Nights are always fun... well last night there was apparently a fight around 10:30ish... a young girl was taken to the hospital in a stretcher... not kewl... around 11:30 rolls around and the front of my store is filled with flashing lights... I counted 21, but my driver said there were about 4 or 5 more on the side of the building in the main parking lot... so lets leave it at 20+ for sake of arguement... 20+ police cruisers with lights on blocking off the parking lot and using the main road as their personal checkpoint. I couldn't keep track of how many individual police officers their were but there were 4 ready-to-eat-little-kids K9s and the majority of the officers had to go back to their cars to get their bulletproof vests and riot gear essentially... 1/4 of them had pellet guns and the rest had hefty cans of pepper spray and batons. The police wouldn't let the kids leave so they got them in a big group in the parking lot... then one of them realized that it's probably not a good idea so they broke them up into smaller groups but some of the little kids didn't like that so fight the police they tried... and failed miserably I might add. I called my other driver who was on a delivery and told him to wait down the road at a gas station until I called him. Parents start arriving to pick up their children but alot of the children were still left there, according to one of the officers I tried giving free pizza too (which he declined) the parents wouldn't pick up the phone with they called and when their children called and told them the police said they needed to come down there they hung up and never showed up or answered their phone... so around 12:45 I call my driver and tell him to head back because most of the crowds gone and he shouldn't have a problem getting in the parking lot. He pulls into the parking spot in front of the store and group of 8 or 9 "thugs" surrounds his car and asks him to give them a ride home, he informs them he can't but they won't let him open his door to get out. My other driver sees this and opens the door and yells out to them "You f***ing punks need to let him do his job and move." One of the kids decides to exchange some words with the driver and it escilates to the point where the kid starts to walk up the stairs, my driver tells him "Your 12 year old punk ass isn't worth my time." This gets the kid really mad and makes it look like he's going to rush him (keep in mind this kid didn't even come up to the drivers chest) well the officer around the corner sees this and tackles the kid before he can get close to my driver and so he now has a ride out of there. The other kids walk away to the other side of the parking lot and sit down. We close up and start leaving at 2:45 and the same group of kids run up to us, I locked the bank deposit in the safe so I didn't have to worry about any of them still being around, so I'm not to worried about them, there was 1 officer left outside and these kids apparently told him we(me and my 2 drivers) would take them all home... which happened to be about 5 miles in the opposite directions from where we all were heading... so they stand behind my driver's car so he can't back out, but he doesn't care, he starts to back out and bumps one of them and he starts screaming (all of these kids couldn't have been more than 16 years old) the cop comes over to see what's going on and we tell him they wouldn't let us leave unless we gave them a ride home, so he offers to give the kids a ride home with him... well not more than 30 seconds goes by and 3 more police cars pull around the corner and they put all the kids in handcuffs... they get to spend the night in juvie unless their parents come pick them up for. Needless to say it was a more exciting nite than the drunk people I deal with on a normal basis. Hope you guys enjoyed.
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Napalm sticks to kids



